CONTRARY TO POPULAR NOTIONS: My Personal Views on Widely-accepted Relationship “TRUTHS”

FOREWORD: This is the second installment of my aim to share my personal views on some areas pertaining to Love. Should you happen to like this post after reading it, you may also would want to read later on about my initial post published here seven days ago entitled, “Love Isn’t Always the Answer”.  Further, the views and opinions expressed here are all personal and non-assertive or indicative in any way. Furthermore, I tried to keep my views simple as possible despite the complexities of the “relationship truths” presented herein. Be that as it may, I wish you good and happy reading!

Let’s begin…

Love conquers all.

To put it simply, love does NOT conquer all. All is a lot. It’s literally everything. To say that love conquers all is hyperbolic and misleading. It’s also a dangerous belief to hold onto because it engenders a kind of hopeful laziness. People who cling to the notion that everything will work out as long as they love their significant other tend to overlook the reality that maintaining a strong, loving relationship takes a lot of hard work. You can’t just count on your love to shield you from all the ups and downs you’ll face as a couple.

To say that love conquers all is hyperbolic and misleading.

All you need is love.

To state the obvious, you definitely need food, shelter, oxygen and water — all requirements of living and breathing that are not love. Beyond that, you also probably need some sense of personal fulfillment outside of your romantic relationship. Maybe your career brings you happiness, or you’re passionate about a certain hobby. Whatever the case, it’s wise not to rely entirely on love to reach inner peace. You’re way too complex to need just one thing.

True love is unconditional.

Nope. Sorry. Some couples fall madly in love and then, unexpectedly, fall out of love. When people separate, it isn’t because the love that once existed between them wasn’t true. A breakup doesn’t render a former love suddenly meaningless, but it does signify that it was conditional on some factors that happened to shift — a phenomenon we’re all susceptible to simply because so many things are beyond our control. True love is definitely conditional — on timing, careers, health, desires, sudden changes and so much more.

When it’s right, you’ll know it.

You actually might have no idea you’ve hit the romantic jackpot on your first, second, third or one-hundredth date. Yes, some couples fall in love at first sight. But others aren’t as quick to figure things out, and that’s okay. Love that grows over time isn’t any less real or worthy of note than the kind that sprouts between two people within seconds of meeting. Don’t expect to know in your gut that something’s right from the start. If you rule out every person you don’t feel a spark with automatically, you’ll end up dismissing some good candidates. Sometimes, you have to give things time. Love can blossom when you least expect it to and you might not know it when you see it.

With the right person, everything will be easy.

It’s never easy. Actually, it’s pretty easy in the way beginning, when you’re so love drunk that you let things slide and all you want to do is stare at each other with your googly eyes and make passionate love. But let’s get real. That lustful stage doesn’t last for anyone. There are many wonderful things to look forward to once the passion-blindness fades — comfort, for instance, and a bottomless reserve of inside jokes and treasured memories — but staying together isn’t easy. The right relationship will be worth the effort you have to put into it. Just don’t expect it to be a breeze, no matter how obsessed with each other you are.

The right relationship will be worth the effort you have to put into it.

Never settle for anyone other than “the one.”

Especially for the ladies, please, I beg of you: settle! Fate isn’t a matchmaker, so don’t count on it to guide you towards that one special person. There are a lot of people you’re capable of building a life with. You just have to find one of those people. But don’t expect any of them to be perfectly suited to you. Plan to settle in some ways — for someone slightly less wealthy or handsome or flexible or handy around the house than you’d hoped for. There’s nothing shameful about adjusting your expectations to align with reality, but there is something kind of sad about a person who waits around for a fairytale ending that isn’t scripted.

Timing is everything.

Timing is definitely something, but it isn’t everything. Because when it comes to love, nothing is everything. The path each couple takes is informed by countless competing factors. Every togetherness is a complex narrative and while some might be marked by a major theme, such as timing, there are always critical subplots and unprecedented twists to consider too.

People don’t change.

They do! They definitely do! This can work out for the better of your relationship, or it can be your relationship’s undoing. Regardless, people definitely change over the years, and if you can’t find a way to evolve together, it’s probably advisable to go your separate ways.

True love is all that matters.

Let’s not be ridiculous. There is so much else in life that matters. So many world issues have absolutely nothing to do with love. However much you hate politics or sports or mathematics, those things matter. The drudgery of day-to-day domestic life matters, too. Basically, everything matters, including love.

P.S.: That would be all for now. If you have any thoughts about the notions presented, please feel free to express them in the comments below.

Photo credits: Google photos/teamsquatchinusa.com

 

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The Many Faces of Love

FOREWORD: Many a story I’ve heard and read about Love these past few days, prior and post the widely-celebrated V-day. This is to express my take on the matter — sort of a rejoinder that love does not ONLY possess a romantic face but an array of faces to put on depending on the occasion. 

There are moments when we would like very much to help someone we love deeply and we just can’t seem to do a thing. Either circumstances prevent us from drawing closer or else the person has shut off to any gesture of solidarity and support.

So, all we have left is love. In those moments when everything is useless, we can still love – without expecting anything in return, any exchanges or thanks.If we can manage to act in this way, love begins to transform the world around us. An adage once said, “Time does not change men. Will power does not change men. Love changes men.”

Three days had passed since V-day. Some people truly made good use of the occasion to strengthen relationships, some to reconnect, some to break free and some to heal. Love has been many faces to many people. Love transforms, love heals. But at times love builds mortal traps and ends up destroying the person who has decided to surrender completely. What strange sentiment is this that deep down is the only reason for us to go on living and struggling and trying to make things better?

It would be foolish of me to try to define it because, like any other human being, all I can do is feel it. Thousands of books have been written about it, plays put on at the theater, films produced, poems scribbled, sculptures carved in wood or marble – and even so, all that the artist can convey is the idea of a feeling, not the feeling itself.

But I have learned that this feeling is present in the small things and manifests itself in the most insignificant of attitudes we take, so we must always have love in mind when we act or fail to act.

Picking up the phone and uttering that affectionate word we have been putting off. Opening the door and showing in someone who needs our help. Accepting a job. Leaving a job. Making that decision that we were putting off for later. Apologizing for a mistake we made that will not leave us in peace. Claiming a right that we have. Playing the music loud when your loved one is far away and lower the volume when he or she is nearby. Knowing how to say “yes” and “no” – because love involves all of man’s energies. Discovering a sport that can be practiced by two. Not following any set of rules and conditionalities, not even those listed in this paragraph – because love calls for creativity.

On the one hand, contradictions are what make love grow. Conflicts are what allow love to remain by our side. Life is too short for us to keep important words, for example, ‘I love you’, locked in our hearts. But do not always expect to hear the same words back. We love because we need to love. Otherwise, love loses all meaning and the sun ceases to shine.

And yet, even when Love does not appear, we remain open to its presence. Sometimes, when loneliness seems about to crush everything, the only way to resist is to keep on loving. Our great goal in life is to love. The rest is silence.

We need to love. Even when it leads us to the land where the lakes are made of tears; for tears speak for themselves. And when we feel that we have cried all we needed to cry, they still continue to flow. And just when we believe that our life is destined to be a long walk through the Valley of Sorrows, the tears suddenly vanish. Because we managed to keep our heart open, despite the pain. Because we realized that the person who left us did not take the sun with them or leave darkness in their place. They simply left, and with every farewell comes a hidden hope.

As it was always said, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

And here is where, I, once again, leave Love to your bidding my dear friends.

Crazy, Stupid and Proud!

 

I’m seeing all bloody red all around me. Am I having a heart attack? Or, just instance of “hearts attack”? Hahaha. Forgive my cheesiness, this is embarrassing already! Valentine’s Day will be arriving soon and I’m seeing multitudes of red, heart-shaped cut-outs in various sizes posted on windows and walls or hanging on tree branches and ceilings almost everywhere I go. Annoying even to see once again that cute little boy who seem to have no intention other than to annihilate everyone within eyesight with his deadly bow and arrow! A primitive weapon of ancient warfare; so effective and always a frequent choice by pure-hearted barbarians due to its capacity to torture an opponent by having to hit your opponent at least 5-10 times in the body to make sure he’s dead; at least 2 if you’re aiming for the eyes! To think, how a cute little fellow, barely pass infancy, be allowed to carry such a deadly weapon! That is insanely crazy ultra ironic, isn’t it? (Forgive yet again the overlapping superlatives) Yes! And so is love.

Crazier even is this quote I chanced to read earlier today:

“One seeks to make the loved one entirely HAPPY, or, if that cannot be, entirely WRETCHED” – Jean de la Bruyere

Now, that is one of the wittiest ways of putting the ambivalence of the mysterious emotion called love. When you have found your true love in your partner, you will be the happiest person in the world, no doubt. But like every relationship on earth, there will be times that you want to detach your partner’s head from their body simply because you really want to do it. But that is how love works; hence the reason why it is mysterious. When you are in love sometimes you are inspired to do things that conflict with rationality. Going all the way to another city or country even, to surprise your loved one, even if money, distance and other things stand in the way, or giving up a high-paid white-collar job to just be able to spend more time to cuddle with your partner, these things may not be feasible in many ways economically or otherwise. But love is not a friend of reason. It is precisely this irrationality that makes love the most mysterious emotion and marvelous experience. At the end of the day it will get to you – you want to put a smile on her face with a trinket you thought will look nice on her, or you bought home his favorite board game and some beers just to see the look on his face. So here’s my advice, if you wanna go crazy, go crazy in love! Now, just in case you don’t yet have any subject to express your love to, go crazy in love still, with yourself!

Happy Heart’s Month! I love Cupid; one day I got tired avoiding his barrages of arrows and  eventually was hit (big time), and I’m crazy ever since!

How about you? Are you still running from Mr. Cutie Cupid? Tell you, his darn persistence is unequaled, he’ll get to you sooner or later. If I were you, better use your energy somewhere else worthwhile than running away from him! 😉 

If ever he’s not minding you at all, disarm him of his weapon and shoot him with it instead!