Building Connections that Matter


Rear View of Group of Friends Hugging

Everything in life begins with connection. In each moment, we are choosing to join or separate – to connect or disconnect – and the person to whom we’re speaking feels what we have chosen regardless of our words.

What makes relationships challenging often comes down to one factor – we build the relationship from the outside in, believing something we want is not happening because of someone else who is outside of us. We must learn to connect first with ourselves and create a relationship from the inside out. These are what I believed in: building heart-to-heart connections is that even though it takes two people to create a relationship, the responsibility for connecting starts with you; and that everything depends on your level of awareness.

Relationships begin with being at peace with yourself – having a connection with yourself that nothing can break from the outside. Other people become a reflection of the loving, kind, peaceful relationship you have with yourself. You cannot receive what you cannot give. The scenery out there reflects the situation in here. Working from the outside in, more often than not, will fall short of the ideal, and leads to frustration, conflict and lack of fulfilment in the end.

We can choose to connect with another person or not, but we cannot choose to disconnect with ourselves. Many people are uncomfortable with this truth – they spend vast amounts of time trying to escape themselves, with all kinds of activities, work and distractions.

For many, their sense of self is ego-based. Individual egos have self-centered aims, tastes, desires, opinions, likes or dislikes. The very construct of the ego brings with it a built in conflict with other egos. If you think about it, it’s surprising that separate egos, each with their own set of rules and agendas, ever get together in the first place. When they do, their connections always risk unravelling because each ego is primarily tied with what it wants. 

To my opinion, the true self is a state of awareness, not a thing, mood, sensation or feeling. All it takes is a shift in awareness to discover that love, peace and lack of conflict exist inside of us, and have the power to change any situation. Indeed, the values you most cherish are not something to seek out and find. They are something that have always belonged to you. The only thing you need to do is recognise them.

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#On drinking coffee

A cup of coffee and coffee beans

Just recently, I found this new kind of liking, less of an addiction or an obsession, I should say. It’s not an extra-ordinary sort of thing though. In fact I do it every single day and it has become an imperative part and parcel of my being and existence. A constant routine which I’ve been doing for a very long time now while never giving much care to think about it nor give meaning to it not until recently. The thing has become as natural as anything I’d normally do every single day.

It’s the newly-discovered love for coffee. Or, was it my “rediscovered” love for it? And any coffee, for that instance, would be awesome. No matter if it’s freshly brewed or those “instant” ones, whether black or white, hot or cold, with or without creamer and sugar, I would wholeheartedly take a sip and savor its aroma and taste. I, undoubtedly enjoy every cup of coffee these past days.

What puzzles me though is that I’m one of those types of persons who are not easily drawn or taken into liking anything (or anyone) lest fairly giving it a careful thought which oftentimes only takes seconds lol. Frankly, I am also not an avid believer of the “spur of the moment” principle, despite (admittedly) the countless moments which I mindlessly acted in accordance to it. I am a bit of a methodical type of a person, categorically somewhere between the naive and the OC type. Just like most people I know, I only give attention to things that amaze, puzzle or bother me. To me, some things in life need not be asked.

However, to this (and on some others) I made exemptions. I tried to ask myself: why do I love and appreciate coffee now more than ever?  Has it bloomed late on me?

The answer dawned upon me and it’s rather quiet simple. Over the years, I’ve been having my coffee all by myself. For a non-aficionado like myself, coffee is just coffee, similar to any other beverages I usually drink. However, lately I’ve been sharing every cup with someone else who has somewhat become special to me. Being with that someone has brought a deep sense of satisfaction even to a quiet and modest coffee break. I suppose its human affinity. That someone completed my coffee experience and satisfaction and has made all the difference. For others, sometimes it’s the people, place or the memories that satisfy their coffee experiences. I guess the difference is in the connections made.

Metaphorically speaking, even a cup of stale or bland coffee can be fully enjoyed if it’s taken or shared with the ones we love or in places memorable to us. This speaks also of other things besides coffee. Does it make sense? For me it does!

I am now also rediscovering my love for eating, watching TV, taking vacations, and all other fun and likewise boring assortments of activities and stuff.

The joy in simple things.