Why your perception is your reality

Perception vs reality - February 2019

Take a minute to scan your surroundings. Are you in a familiar place or somewhere new? Let’s try an experiment, shall we? Just look around you.

Pick out an object, maybe something you hadn’t noticed before, and focus your attention on it.

If you really focus, it’ll get brighter and more “real” than it was when it was just an unnoticed piece of the background noise of your life.

Now, try to view your surroundings from the point of the object. Some people can do this with no effort, and for others, it takes some concentration. Depending on how adept you are at focusing your concentration, you may notice a slight shift in your perception – a weird jump in realty, where you are suddenly viewing the world from a different perspective.

Did it work?

Whether you noticed anything or not, your perception did change, albeit for an instant. It’s important to be conscious of your perception, because if you’re not, someone else will create it for you.

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” – Albert Einstein

We all get caught up in our stories. Most of us think we are our stories. It’s when those stories take on a life of their own, and that life isn’t the one we want, that things start to suck.

Think about the story you’re living right now. Who wrote it? Did you consciously decide to create the reality you’re living now, or was it mainly shaped by your parents, friends, spouse, school, or the media?

If you don’t like the story you’re living, then change the perception. Envision how you’d write the next chapter of your story. Better yet, actually sit down and write it.

Focus your perception on creating a new reality, one where you are in charge of the story. Take back the job as screenwriter and director, and stop just being an actor.

Everything begins with a decision – decide now to be in charge of your own perception of reality. Because if you don’t, there are plenty of folks whose sole purpose in life is to craft that perception for you. Now ask this deeply to yourself: Do you trust them to have your best interest in mind?

Photo credits: Google photos

Assume the existence of multiple correct solutions

As much as we hate to hear it, we’re not always right. When it comes to life problems or even just everyday hiccups, life coach Lory Levitt stresses that we should always assume the existence of multiple correct solutions. Just because you want to do things your way, doesn’t mean it’s the right way to go about it.

Most problems won’t exist if people understood the difference between arguement and discussion. As argument is finding out who’s right, discussion on the other hand is finding out what’s right.

How do you often respond when somebody else presents an idea opposite to what you have?

Instant Gratification Affects your Personal Growth and Happiness.

Typically, the best things in life take time. When you are trying to grow as an individual, it takes time. You can’t expect overnight changes, results and success. Doing so will result in nothing but frustration, and you might be tempted to give up. Will you experience setbacks in your pursuit for personal growth? Yes. But, you can use them as learning experiences and become even stronger as you move forward. The stronger you become, mentally and emotionally, the more resilient you will also become to those hardships. So, when they keep coming up in life, you will be able to handle them more effectively each time.

Choosing to have something now might feel good, but making the effort to have discipline and manage your impulses can result in bigger or better rewards in the future.

Get rid of the things that could be confining your growth and success. You can work hard by adding new, healthy habits to your life, or expanding on the things that you are already good at. Anything that can be an ingredient to your growth. Choose those things that can truly make you happy and satisfied in the long run.

True happiness, according to Aristotle, is about developing habits and surrounding yourself with people who grow your soul. This allows you to move towards your greatest potential. True happiness entails delaying pleasure, and putting in the time, discipline, and patience required to achieve a goal instead of feeling good now, in a superficial way.

Photo credits: Google photos

Thankful Tuesday

“Every Day is a second chance”

I always view second chances as blessing or grace. An opportunity to act on the things we missed out or have fallen short of doing during our yesterdays. In many cases, I begged, prayed or pleaded for second chances that weren’t given.

So pick up that pen and write, pick up that computer and blog, pick up that phone and make that call you’ve been stalling for so long now, pick up that ass and live – live fully, pick up that thing that’s burdening you and throw it out of the window, if you don’t have easy access to any, flush it down the drain. (This all might sound cliche, but isn’t life already a cliche?)

Our second chances are waiting for you and I. Care to join me today?

And, if you’re at it already and you’re full steam ahead, inspire me. I’d be grateful.

Today, I woke up with questions in mind.

Corona is something suggesting a crown. It entails power and dominion.

Seemingly, the Corona virus has risen again and is now causing a global health crisis. Now, its novel. And the world was taken by surprise.

Over the course of its continuously progressing reign, it has drastically overpowered systems and dramatically changed lives. In a blink of an eye, it quickly undermined the systems we instigated and maintained to keep us safe and secure and introduces uncertainty and fear in the minds and hearts of the people.

It’s so bizarre that such the tiniest of the tiny can exert such absolute power and dominion, leaving the brightest minds of the human race – in the field of medicine, leadership and politics – baffled and desperate to seek cure and solutions. It has now become a race against time as resources (both, people – medical practitioners and other frontliners – and the world’s financial status) becomes depleted as days go by.

I woke up today having these questions in mind:

1) How do you view this Corona virus global dominion? Is it tyrannic or democratic/unifying?

2) How is the crisis affecting you on the deeper personal level? (The effects of the widely imposed quarantine to you – are you having interpersonal growth or just gaining weight physically?)

I was just about to think of my answers today. And, may be, find enlightenment as I think about them outside of myself and my worries about surviving this crisis.

How about you? What are you’re thoughts about this Corona Virus Disease 19?

Thank You. Do you say and hear it enough?

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Thank you.

I would like to share to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine. And as brief as the opening line, so shall this post  also be  like. 

And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I’d just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed, the least awkward. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this?  

 It has been a recurring theme in so many movies and reality tv shows that discuss the thing that causes stress, anxiety, depression and even addiction to people is the issue that comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he’s proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It’s because he didn’t know that his son needed to hear it. 

So my question is, why don’t we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 30 years, who’s longing to hear his wife say, “Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,” but won’t ask. I know a woman who’s good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, “I’d really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the family.” And he goes, “Oh, this is great, this is great.” And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that.

So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, “I’ll have my burger with some fries and sundae on the side, I need size nine shoes, etc.” but I won’t say, “Would you appreciate or praise me this way?” 

So, I’m going to challenge us all. Like my wife has been to me the past years of our married life by being vocal and direct in saying what she truly needed to hear from me — I want you to be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife — go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband — what does he need? Go home to those special people in your life — what do they need. Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you. 

I think it’s simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let’s make it right in our own backyard. 

To all of you who happen to read this simple post — I want to say Thank You. And maybe somebody’s never said that to you, by being a father, mother, husband, wife, brother, sister, friends to your loved ones in the purest sense of those words,  you’ve already done a really, really good job. 

And for that, Thank you.

Photo credits: Google photos

Rest if you must, but don’t quit.

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Life can be challenging at times. Dr. Scott Peck, the famous Psychiatrist once said, “Life is hard and then you die.” That statement seems so pessimistic. His point was, however, that if we expect life to be anything else, we will be sorely disappointed.

And, even though I know Dr. Peck’s statement is true, I do not believe we can live our lives based solely on that premise. It is my belief that our personal attitude towards life’s situations is really the only thing that makes any difference. If we look at situations with a defeated, negative attitude, we will eventually give up and quit. However, if we focus on treating life like a marathon rather than a sprint and we keep a positive outlook in the process, we will be victorious in the end.

Recently, I came across a poem that sums up what I am trying to say. I believe these words will make a difference in your work and relationships if you put them into practice.

Don’t Quit!
(author unknown)

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When the care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is weird with its twists and its turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won, had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

The distant goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit!

Why not put the truth found in this poem into practice? Your biggest success may be just around the next corner. But, you will never know if you throw in the towel.

Learn to let your challenges bring you to a whole new level. Anything great in life always comes with a high price tag. With that in mind, get back to your next project and see it through to the end!

Photo credits: Google.com

We really don’t need that much in life to be happy

 

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We really don’t need that much in life to be happy.

This may be counter to what we are sold by the advertising masses. However, the truth is there are literally millions around the world that are living pretty happy and contented lives with little in the way of physical possessions.

Many of these people may have enforced constraints. These could include a lack of well-paid employment options or families abroad they themselves work and send money to.

However, some have also identified their own version of enough and live contentedly within self-made constraints. Working just enough to cover their needs and then making time for family, friends and adventures.

Whatever the case, these people live a life filled with less stuff. It can be done.

The Problem with Chasing More
The danger in chasing more and more is that it’s never enough. Just a little more money and we’ll be happy we tell ourselves. A new car on loan will make us more complete we kid ourselves. Keeping up with keeping up is a path to ruin.

More stuff can mean our lives become cluttered. We lose freedom, we lose agility. We can start to feel stifled and even trapped by all this stuff.

Packing Lightly
Beyond our most basic needs of food, water, shelter, health, family and friends, how much more do we really need to be happy?

There are plenty of other things that can add value to our lives. Books, music, a creative outlet and so on. None of this needs to turn into large houses full of stuff we rarely use. None of this needs to turn into large debt that we never escape.

We can decide to pack lightly for life’s journey instead.

Just enough of our most cherished possessions can outweigh an abundance of stuff we collect but never really get much value from.

Having one TV in a home can be enough, rather than one in each room.

Having a closet with 30 items in that we constantly wear and use, rather than 100s of items that take up space but rarely see the light of day.

Instead of chasing more stuff we can make space for more living. We can make space for passion projects and hobbies that are important to us. We can make room for more quality time with our loved ones. This is the sort of more we should be chasing.

We can decide to live lightly. Making the most of what we have, not focused on what we don’t have. As we journey through life, we can decide that travelling with enough is all we really need and live accordingly. 

Photo credits: Google photos

“Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different.” – Indra Nooyi

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It’s easy to get hooked in our modern world. Meaning many times each day we feel resistance when conversations, outcomes, projects and meetings don’t go the way we hoped they would go or as we had planned. Perhaps someone who works for you delivered an underwhelming performance, or you disagree on strategy with your boss or manager, or a friend/family member holds views that are very different from yours – regardless of the scenario, the feeling we experience is similar.

Some common emotional responses when things don’t go our way are we feel wronged, invalidated, frustrated or at times angry, and likely our responses (conversations and actions) reflect that. This only compounds the feelings we are experiencing and creates a mirror reaction in the person or people with which we are engaged.

At times, we may feel as if the person or people who triggered us did it intentionally or on purpose -which rarely ends up being the case. Most people wake up each day with a desire to do good and be good in this world.

We live in a world composed of 7 plus billion unique people each with his/her own idea of what “do good” and “be good” means – none of which are more right or more wrong than the other – just different. It is true that at times we harm each other with words and actions, disappoint each other, miss expectations or plainly act as a jerk. And it’s also true that most times these choices are not premeditated – the intent of the action is not to harm, disrupt or divide.

There is a different choice each one of us has when we feel hooked or triggered and that choice is to assume positive intent. This doesn’t mean ignore your feelings of displeasure. Rather, address them from a different place – one that starts with assuming the others involved started with a positive intent that just didn’t land. Extend the benefit of the doubt.

Next time you feel hooked or triggered experiment with making a choice to acknowledge that it was positive intent that created the situation and can get you out of it as well. The choice is yours.

Photo credits: Google photos

 

There is no such thing as a “Blank Page”

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Sometimes a blank page is so welcoming… a gift! You get to create the story fresh, the way you want it!

As a blogger or a person fond of writing, I know that there is no such thing as a blank page. You start, crumble, delete, erase and start over again until you get it right… sometimes it isn’t even right but it is the way you want it. Often, at least in my case, it goes against the grain of other people’s views and opinions. At that point you have a choice… cave in or write your article! I’ve always chosen to write about my views and opinions.

So much like life… no blank pages, just taking the pages you already have and creating the story of your life out of the story of your life. You can cave in and live a life less than you want or go against the grain and really live with no regrets.

Let us not forget that every day is chapter one. The incredible thing is we can change the story and even the table of contents any time we want. It is simply a decision, which isn’t so simple sometimes. But absolutely necessary if you want the book of your life to be yours and not something someone else wrote!

Are you living your book, or are you allowing someone else to be the author of your life?

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

 Photo credits: Google photos