Love Isn’t Always the Answer


FOREWORD: Today begins the month of love again. In view of the occasion, I shall be writing about the said subject  matter this month of February. Here’s the first installment from (hopefully) the few areas/topics about Love which I’m planning to write about. If you liked/loved this article, or have  some related opinions to express, please feel free to leave your comments below.


I get why everyone wants love. Why we all expend so much time, energy, effort and money on dating and attracting a mate. Why we all dream of Happily Ever After. Why girls shriek upon news of a friend’s engagement, and cry at almost every wedding. Why people gossip about breakups and in places where its legal, stigmatize divorce, as if splitting up were the most tragic thing that could happen to two people. Why we shun relationship realities and hide behind hashtag proclamations about how proud we are of our significant others.

Love is a wonderful drug. It can be truly amazing to find it, and give in to it — to soak in its enigmatic powers and revel in the feeling that this. Is. It. To feel as if you’ve finally unlocked the secret to happiness. That you’ve discovered purpose in a potential life partner.

We all want a partner. Someone to lean on for support. Someone to count on as a permanent plus-one. Someone to vent to. Someone to celebrate achievements with, big and small. Someone to make love with.

But love isn’t the answer to all things. And it can’t fix your life.

It can’t. It might make things better, especially in the beginning, when you first find that person you’re pretty sure you can do forever with. Early love really does have a way of making the whole world look a hell of a lot brighter. When you’re smitten, annoying tasks suddenly don’t seem like such a pain in the ass. Pleasant activities somehow become yet more rewarding.

But infatuation doesn’t last, not even for the most love drunk people on the planet. We know this. And yet, we forget it again and again. Lust eventually dissipates. When it does, it’s replaced by comfort, shared experiences and more and more treasured memories. Also, fighting, jealousy, temptation, doubts and relationship fatigue.

Lasting love is certainly possible, but not if you expect love to do all the work for you. And not if you refuse to understand love’s limits.

Love doesn’t transform your entire reality. It doesn’t make you a different person, solve all your problems, or erase your past mistakes. If anything, it creates additional struggles. Love isn’t always pretty. It can be downright ugly. It isn’t a Band-Aid for emotional despair. In fact, it wreaks havoc on people’s psyches in a lot of cases. It isn’t a reason to live. Actually, it can drive people to kill. Crimes of passion are a real thing. Love breeds kindness and passion and beauty. But it also breeds nastiness, darkness and even hate.

We all want love, and we all deserve it. But you shouldn’t expect your entire world to change magically as soon as you find it.

We want love to be greater than it is. We want it to be this transcendent force that unites us as human beings, even as it tears us apart. We want it to make life worth living. We want it to heal our pain. We want it to imbue our existence with meaning. But the truth is, you have to do all of that for yourself.

We all want love, and we all deserve it. But you shouldn’t expect your entire world to change magically as soon as you find it. Yes, certain aspects of life are immediately “awesomer” once you find a perpetual partner in crime. But love isn’t always the answer. Often, the answer is simply hard work. Or introspection and personal growth. Sometimes, the answer is good-bye. Sometimes, it’s just plain no.

The life you lead is determined by the sum of the choices you make. Some of those choices relate to the people you decide to love. But so many others have nothing to do with love at all.

Don’t live for love. If you expect it to fulfill you, or pressure the people you love to make you feel whole, you’ll end up gravely disappointed, and, most likely, alone. Love is wonderful, but it isn’t everything. Fiction’s greatest love stories are literally unbelievable. The greatest love songs are inspired, but reductive.

Love is not all you need. You have other needs, and only you can see to it that all of those needs are met. So look inside yourself and figure out what you want out of life. Then commit as much time, energy, effort and financial resources to making that other stuff happen as well.

By all means, find someone to love. Just don’t forget to find yourself at some point, too.

9 thoughts on “Love Isn’t Always the Answer

  1. Pingback: CONTRARY TO POPULAR NOTIONS: My Personal Views on Widely-accepted Relationship “TRUTHS” – THOUGHT AVENUE: Speak your mind

  2. Finding true love is an inexplicable joy but it requires effort to sustain it, effort from both sides. And in the practical sense, you are right, only movies can fantasize love to make it enough to live with, there is so much more to life.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Very wise and timely. It’s so tempting to think life will be infinitely better when we find our person. I do believe it can and will be, but only when we/I get to a place where I’m fulfilled and see my life as already full. I think until we get there, we attract people who are seeking or who we are seeking to fill up the empty spaces. Again, I think there is a place for that, to complement the ones we love in a way that is healthy, loving and supportive. But we simply have to stop thinking that finding our person is going to fix all that feels broken.
    This is something I am desperately trying to implement in my life right now, so thank you for reiterating it in such an articulate, insightful way.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for sharing your views Brooke.

      Yes, we are all connected in many ways with each other, but that doesn’t mean we must rely everything to each other. Our person is our sole responsibility.

      I’ve been in a state where I fantasized that Love (in eros and phillia sense) can put into order everything that is chaotic in my life, as one famous song expresses “…Love is the answer” Only to discover in the long run that Love, like anything else in this world, has its phases and eventually evolves into something else (better or otherwise) different from where it first started. Luckily, I’m one of those blessed with a very loving, forgiving and understanding life partner 🙂

      Glad that this post resonated with you. I wish you all the best in life. Let us always be reminded that “Life is what we make it” and so is Love.

      See you around 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    1. True indeed, Radhika. Finding our one true love is a wonderful and amazing experience. I’m super grateful for my wife. Lasting love is certainly possible.

      Thank you for letting me ( us ) hear your thoughts on the subject 😊


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s