Make Fear your friend and ally


Even the wisest people regularly make decisions that seem rational — but aren’t.

While we often think of ourselves as rational creatures, the bigger a dilemma is or the more important a dream is, the more our choices become clouded by fear.

Have you ever turned down an exciting opportunity and played it safe instead? Have you ever made a decision out of anger and ended up hurting someone you love? Have you ever gotten so stressed that you went into survival mode and started obsessing over tiny things instead of focusing on the bigger picture? Or have you had times where you became addicted to achievement and approval?

I have. And pretty much everyone I know has done so, too. There are many faces of fear and each shows up as a limitation — as a defect that distorts our decisions, sabotages our leadership, and holds us back from the things we most want in life.

However, we usually don’t notice this. Like an iceberg, 90 percent of our fears remain out of sight, stored away in our unconscious mind. But that doesn’t mean they’re gone. Like trying to look through a layer of brown cooking grease that has been spread across a piece of glass, our hidden insecurities distort our vision and color our choices.

Instead of proclaiming themselves as such, our fears most commonly show up as innocent sounding statements that sound so reasonable — yet aren’t.

Looking deep within and in retrospect. I often caught myself on various occasions saying or thinking about the following words:

“I’m upset because…”
“I need…”
“I should…”
“I shouldn’t…”
“You shouldn’t…”
“You must…”
“I’m stressed because…”
“I can’t…”
“Yeah, I’d like to, but…”
“If I could just stop procrastinating, I would…”

Do you ever find yourself saying any of the said lines too?

If so, welcome to the human race. While each of these statements can be rational, I strongly believe that they’re almost always a sign that your choices aren’t clean, and that your decisions are being distorted by your unconscious fears.

For example, I often find myself saying things like, “I’m upset because I don’t have more money.” “I should be working harder.” “Yeah, I’d like to go on a long beach vacation with the family, but I just don’t have the time.”

And of course, “Honey, you don’t understand, I need to buy more gadgets!”

While these statements may sound reasonable, we truly need to recognize when they’re really just symptoms of our hidden fears.

While this may sound disturbing, it’s actually great news because the voice of fear can become one of your greatest allies — once you learn how to listen to it in a more effective way.

Of course, the contention of the matter always boils down to this: how to make fear an ally? 

I believe the answer would be, that is to always open your heart to meet fear fully. Just as good health requires a lifestyle of attention to diet and exercise, being at ease with fear requires an ongoing willingness to meet it directly. If you are receptive to whatever arises, as it is, you will find it does not matter if fear is present or not. Life is so rich. Every experience that arises is a friend, a gift, an invitation to break down your inner boundaries. Allow everything in always, and you will discover the peace beyond peace.

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22 thoughts on “Make Fear your friend and ally

  1. Nice post Andrei. I like the approach of befriending our fears. I agree that it should be welcomed and felt and then get over it! Just like with other negative emotions such as anger and pain, they demand to be felt before they go away… (although I don’t think I would ever overcome my fear of ghosts and stuffs like that! Hehehe). 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha, who isn’t afraid of ghosts?! That’s a completely different story there if I may say so! 😱😮 You absolutely can’t face any of ‘that’, not even for a second, for sure, haha.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Nina. So glad to hear from you again 😄

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I completely agree, fear is our greatest friend. Most of the times we shy away from things that we ought to do but are scared of. It is the fear that helps us know our weaknesses and strength and I think that is the sole thing that drives us forward in overcoming our doubts and achieving our goals.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Moushmi. Exactly the point, we can be allied with our fears in achieving our goals in life. Just important to note that fear takes on many faces and is a constant companion in life – comes by being human. Hence, the need to recognize it in every given instance and open our hearts to meet it fully and directly, not in the offensive nor defensive manner but in the receptive. And by receptive, I mean not succumb to it but ally with it in your way to achieving your goals. Simply put: be at ease with it 🙂
      Thank you Moushmi ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Your ideas and insights are simply amazing, they just make you think and think hard. Fear as an ally? Sounded interesting. And the article was simply more interesting. ” There are many faces of fear and each shows up as a limitation”. For me, this line itself was the prime highlight of the post. I really pondered upon it hard, and ultimately it was an ideology that I found to be so true. And even the quote right at the beginning, was a nice one. It gave it the most perfect start. I’ve always kept saying and I’ll say it again, that this blog simply gets better and better with every post I read. I won’t say anything different for this one!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the very kind words Nikesh. And for holding such a high regard for my blog. I am grateful.
      I once coined a quote which says, “Fear is one thing. To have fear look you in the eye and stare you down is another.” Meaning to say that fear can instantly turn into an enemy if one is quick in taking either the offensive or defensive side; which is often the case to most people. However, if one is just wise enough as to consider fear as an essential ingredient to achieving something important in life then the best way to treat fear is to consider it a friend and an ally rather than the enemy that needs to be conquered and destroyed. Not allowing yourself to be ‘stared down” by fear means ‘not to be ruled by it’, and making friends with fear eliminates that possibility.
      As I’ve written, ‘open your heart to meet fear fully’ in that way we can make friends with it, just as similar to making friends with people we like to make friends with 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Make Fear your friend and ally – የዛጎል ዜና – Zaggole News – ለተመጣጣነ መረጃ እንተጋለን

  5. Hello Andrei! Other than the fact that your thoughts and ideas will leave the reader into a mode of deep self reflection, you express and encourage the human-side of our being and infuse so much positivism into it that it simply becomes a beautiful truth that requires to be adapted.
    As I read your post, I think about my fear of driving, a fact that I keep telling myself that I must get over with. Your words give me more reason to face it and conquer it.
    I agree with Radhika, on the other side of fear is Victory!
    A thoughtful post very well expressed!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow! I’m so grateful for the encouraging words Pranitha.
      As we all strive to achieve through our respective blogs, I try to share my every bit of learning, views and experiences in the hopes that somehow I would be able to inspire and motivate others who are going through similar challenges as I have (or had been through) to consider what I’ve learned or expressed. Of course, less the point of absolute assertiveness, in respect to the views of others.
      Your words of support are always a joy to read. Wish you good luck as you embark on conquering your fear of driving. I’m confident that you’ll learn driving in no time 😉
      Be safe.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Gm Andrei. Your posts always make us introspect. We all have fears within us. It is naturally human. But when fears hold us back from trying anything out of our comfort zone, it becomes detrimental to our growth and success.
    There is an ad which plays on television in Hindi, which when translated says ” there is victory beyond fear,”. Isn’t it so true?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely true! Looking at it in a deeper sense, our fear is the one thing that is standing between us and our goals. And overcoming it is already victory in itself. As you’ve said, “when our fears hold us back from trying anything out of our comfort zone, it becomes detrimental to our growth and success”
      Thank you for always taking the time to read my posts. I’m grateful for the support.
      Have a nice day Radhika! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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